The mask theory- can we change personality?

You may think that personality is something that you were born with or that is hard to change, but according to one person, one psychologist, it's not only easy, it happens almost all the time.

The presentation of self

70 years ago (yeah a lot), a person named Erving Goffman published a book named "The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life [1]" Long name, long book. The book talks about how one behaves in everyday life, he had a very interesting theory that was parallel to the theater: Goffman claimed that every one of us behaves according to the social situation (he called it the "scene") that we are in, and putting on a different mask, his mask refers to one's personality. 

Goffman also claimed that (this is the cool thing) almost every time we change social interaction we change our personality a little to match the requirements of this "scene". So every time you talk to someone you have different personality traits, how insane is that?!

How this works in real life

Are you talking to your brother as you talk to your boss?

Are you telling the same jokes you tell to your friends as you tell to your father? No, you are constantly changing masks. Let me show you a real-life situation for this:

Imagine a mother talking on the phone, her daughter coming in and showing her she got an F on a test, her mother putting the phone aside, yelling at her, getting angry, and then a second later talking again on the phone like nothing happened. Sounds normal right? so this is a classic mask-changing, the mother was at one scene (talking on the phone) which required her to be kind and keep her voice normal to stay in one mask if you'd like, and she moved a scene when she yelled at her daughter so she also needed to change a mask to an angry mother.

Situations like this happen every day, but if you look at it closely, you will see how a person changes his personality.

Finding parts of the perfect mask

This is the part you waited for, according to Goffman's theory one can change his personality and behaviors to match the social situation he's in.

So if we connect all the dots we get this conclusion: you can change your personality by changing your environment. This sounds insane, but if you look at the earlier section it makes sense, so this is my (and Goffman's) advice for you: explore different situations, different people, and different masks, find the masks you like, and connect all of their traits to create yourself your mask, one that fits you perfectly, one that makes you feel real. And live by it.